


Shakespeare liked tuna, too.

by orphan_account



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Shakespeare is not sexy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-05
Updated: 2012-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-09 05:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel needs to stop falling for people who quote ridiculous media. It's irritating as hell when she doesn't understand the references.<br/>One day she'll just rattle off recipes from The Food Network. That'll show them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shakespeare liked tuna, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, my debut into both the Suits fandom and AO3. I figured hasty femmelash was the way to go!

Rachel Zane likes to think of herself as an honest, secure and confident woman. She's a damn good paralegal and a damn good human being. She can speak four different languages, can distinguish awesome tuna from shitty tuna without even tasting a piece and, well, she isn't too bad looking, either.

However, when it comes to a dating profile? Yeah, none of those things come to mind. Or, maybe they do, but it seems all too arrogant to type out and lay her tuna skills out for the world to see.

And Mike's pep talk is great and all, but it still leaves her feeling alone and restless at the end of the day, and visiting him sure didn't help.

Not one bit.

She thought she could love Mike. She loves his smile and his passion. She loves his dumb skinny ties and the way he refuses to pronounce words the right way after being corrected. She loves _things_ about Mike, but Mike is selfish in a way that both sucks and hurts. It hurts because Mike can trust Harvey, his boss, a man who is a bigger a-hole than _Mike_ , over Rachel, who has helped him solve personal problems time and time again. She wants to be angry at him for that, she wants to scream at him and call him out on his ingratitude and _prove_ to him that she's a better choice. She's better than Harvey, who is cold as stone and who seems to care so little about his associate. She wants to tell Mike this- that she's a better match for him. 

But, time and time again, she has caught Mike staring off into the distance. She's caught him watching Harvey when he _should_ be talking to her. She sees him gravitate towards the man, not at all like a lost puppy (which is what she previously assumed) but more like a friend- and equal who was waiting for the right moment. The right moment for _what_ exactly, Rachel isn't so sure. But she was sure the moment was drawing near.

She's sure that Mike Ross loves Harvey Specter.

And that makes it harder to be angry at him. The dick.

\--- --- ---

"I'd suggest chocolate ice cream and chick flicks, but we both know that's a stupid thing to do. So, what we're going to do is this: We're going to screw with people from the office and then drink vodka."

Rachel really loves Donna. She loves that she finally (finally!) has a best friend who is both sassy a knowledgable and very, very loyal. She loves that Donna knows her better than anyone else (except, of course, Harvey) and that, in turn, Rachel knows what makes Donna tick. 

It's something to blindly and _platonically_ love someone for who they are as a person, in a particular moment in time. But it's another thing entirely to love that person despite knowing them inside and out. It's the kind of friendship Rachel and Donna have. And it's better than anything a dumb _boy_ could possibly offer her.

"Screw with people?" Rachel asks, frowning at Donna from behind her desk. "And- wait, drink vodka _and_ screw with people? At the same time? It's kind of due to alcohol that I'm in need of more alcohol. The whole 'drunk-dialling' fiasco? Ring any bells?"

"Well, I'm taking you home first," Donna informs her like it's obvious. "Then we're screwing with people _then_ we're drinking vodka. I've recently come into possession of some vintage stuff. Perfect for getting shit-faced."

Rachel nods, and stands up, stretching. She ignores that Donna just 'comes into possession' of vintage alcohol. "What's the time?"

"Time to go," Donna says, and grabs her hand, pulling her to the elevator. She's becoming a notorious villain in dragging Rachel away from her work. Work that she _needs_ to do.

"I- My bag!" Rachel complains, struggling in the iron grip as Donna pulls her through the office

"Your bag can wait," she replies, still tugging.

Rachel can swear it's still light outside.

\--- ---- ----

Donna's version of 'screwing with people' is, as per usual, kind of evil. It's kind of- It's like what 'extreme prank calling' would entail. What happens is, that, well, Donna is notorious for scrolling through the office logs or listening into people's conversations. It's how she knows everything. And, a few times before, after they'd been drinking Rachel had claimed that it was why Donna's breasts were so big (they were full of secrets). So, Donna knows everything about everyone. Coincidentally, this makes for _great_ blackmail material and even better prank calls.

"You always phone someone lower on the corporate ladder," Donna informs her, dialling the first number. "They have less experience and are less likely to trace the call, or blackmail you in turn."

"They don't _have_ any blackmail material on you," Rachel scoffs.

"Au contrarie," Donna says, putting the call on loud speaker and letting it ring. "I was once in a very poorly done version of _Great Expectations_. It was the stuff of nightmares. I was a horrible Miss Havisham."

Rachel giggles, but is cut short when someone answers the phone.

"Hi, Hello?" the voice on the other line says, sounding nervous. Rachel picks it out as one of the associates. 

"Harold?" Donna asks, voiced pitched octaves lower and with a not-too-shabby Italian accent. "I have some business to discuss with you."

"Um!" Harold squeaks. "What?"

"I _know_ you've been stealing office equipment. I can have you arrested."

"No!" Harold cries, and Rachel hears the static-y voice of Kyle in the background sighing, "Shut up, Dickbrain."

"This is a serious crime, kid. We can have you arrested, and deported back to Canada," Donna continues, tracing a finger absently along the phone's ridges.

"Okay! I can explain!" Harold yelps, in a hushed whisper. "I- The can opener? I took it from Donna! By accident!"

"How do you take something 'by accident', Harold?"

"It! I can pay for it! I gave it back! I didn't mean! Oh God. Oh God."

"Don't. Do. It. Again."

Then Donna is hanging up and Rachel is laughing harder than she has in a long time. 

"How did you even know he was from Canada?" Rachel asks, still laughing.

Donna shrugs. "I have my ways."

They call four other associates and one IT guy from work, before calling it quits and breaking out the vodka.

\--- --- ----

The thing with Donna, Rachel reflects, is that she has an odd passion for Shakespeare.

It develops into something odder after a few drinks and then into something truly abnormal by the time they're wasted.

"Donna," Rachel says, lying on her back whilst watching Donna dance on top of the coffee table to non-existent music. "Pass me the bottle."

"Ah," Donna replies, hopping down. "But what best gift in his chest lay hid?"

"Vodka," she replies, rolling her eyes. "It's not even in a chest. It's in the cupboard next to the fridge."

Donna sways over to the kitchen and opens a cup board. "O! How with this rage shall beauty hold a plea? Whose action is no stronger than a flower?"

She reaches up as Donna walks over and takes the bottle. "I don't care about looking beautiful. I want to get drunk and I want to wake up looking trashy and feeling worse."

Donna crawls down to lie next to Rachel. The younger girl vaguely registers that Donna is no longer wearing a bra (which is awesome, by the way) and still smells nice, despite the alcohol.

"I miss Mike," Rachel tells her, staring up at the ceiling.

Donna squeezes her hand. "He's a lovely kid, Rachel, but he's- he's not good for you."

She rolls over to face Donna, to observe the hard look on her face and the parallels between her brow. "He could have been good for me."

Donna shakes her head, hitting it twice on the side of the couch she was squeezed against. "Dating at work d'sn't work."

"It could."

Donna sighs, but doesn't release Rachel's hand. "It could," she admits. "But 's hard. 'S tense, then, you're different people, 'nd then, you're just fighting with someone who isn't there anymore."

She sucks in a breath, stuck on the slur of Donna's words and the sobering tone of her words. "So, you and Harvey, huh."

Donna grunts. "I loved him, and he loved me."

They were quiet for a few minutes, after that.

Rachel listened to the slow breathing of Donna, traced a pattern on Donna's hand, as Donna had done earlier with the phone. She kept her own breathing in time with the ticking of a clock, somewhere in Donna's apartment, swallowing heavily every minute and a half.

"But," Donna says, startling Rachel. "It stops. It stops after hurting for a long, long time. Maybe it'll be easier f'r you; you didn't love him. It's for the best, though. I missed Harvey, and he missed me. It's better now that we can be friends. It's enough, and I certainly don't love him 'nymore."

Rachel curled up, resting her head on Donna's shoulder. "I don't love Mike," she agrees.

"But he knows you well enough for it to hurt if you two had a fight of some kind. He'd yell and you'd yell and you'd see the cracks- see the flaws- resent them--"

In her alcohol fuelled haze it only takes her a minute to understand that Donna is alluding to Harvey.

Rachel cuts her off, by wrapping her arms around Donna. "Harvey's a dick," she says. "Smarter now, but a dick. Still a dick. He's too _good_ for you. If he gets angry he gets _even_. He doesn't care who he's hurting, he just does it."

"But with Mike it's different," Donna says softly. 

"Because Mike is the perfect blend of stubbornness and smarts. Harvey points out what he's doing wrong, Mike'll just carry on thinking he's great until or unless he finds out that Harvey was right. It's about 50/50."

"And Mike calls Harvey out. I used to do that."

Donna sounds awful and broken. It hurts Rachel just to hear how shitty she sounds.

"It works for Mike because Harvey's not so afraid of losing him," Rachel rationalises. "With you, well, you're his best friend, his first real girlfriend and a hot piece of ass. You were too good for him. When you called him out, he would have been angry, because you were perfect and he wasn't. Mike, on the other hand, is an annoying little shit. Harvey's totally in love with him, but knows they both have a shit load of faults. They're evenly matched."

"You missed your calling as a psychologist," Donna says, smile in her voice.

"Nah," Rachel dismisses. "I just get philosophical when intoxicated."

"But surprisingly articulate."

"I've had less than you."

"Not true."

They lay in silence once more, the dark apartment seeming more ominous than previously thought.

She feels Donna's breathing hitch beside her, which was so uncharacteristic. But drunk Donna _was_ uncharacteristic. Period.

"We're like Mike and Harvey," Donna says, voice soft.

"We're better," Rachel responds, then cocks her head up just a fraction, to kiss Donna.

Which she is then doing.

Holy shit. She's _kissing Donna_.

She's totally kissing Donna. Donna, who is fine with the knowledge that Rachel is not a perfect human being. Who is stupid sometimes, and sometimes, even a product of the patriarchy (though, not so much anymore). Donna knows how idiotic Rachel is and _she doesn't care_.

Or, maybe she does care, but she's drunk. Actually, you know what? No. That doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter because _before_ this Donna has been her friend. And, if they wake up tomorrow and Donna thinks it's a bad idea, then hey, fine! 

Rachel isn't like Mike who needs Harvey's approval like he needs air. She knows she doesn't have to prove herself, especially not to Donna.

She isn't like Harvey, either. She won't distance herself or pine or wallow. She doesn't _need_ to do that. 

Mike and Harvey need each other like they need to live. They need each other like how they need to work, how they need to _win_. 

Rachel needs Donna because she _wants_ Donna. She wants Donna to be there when she graduates Harvard and becomes a lawyer. She wants Donna to be there when she wins her first case. She just wants Donna to be _there_. 

And, maybe Donna wants Rachel to be there when she plays Lady Macbeth in _Macbeth_ or Beatrice in _Much Ado About Nothing_. 

She's not counting on anything, but right now she doesn't need to.

Because Donna is a _Goddess_ and when Goddesses do things with their tongues? 

It's really great.

"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,Who art as black as hell, as dark as night," Rachel murmurs between kisses, because, hey, she can quote good old Bill, too.

"Shut up," Donna advises.

And, because Rachel is a smart woman who can differentiate tuna, she does.


End file.
